Last night, I tossed and turned for hours. I’d had coffee at two o’clock in the afternoon and it had me literally buzzing. I kept imagining Speed Racer driving his race car through my veins in his final victory race, complete with flips and spins. Yet his race went on for hours.
The end of October up until now has been chaos filled. My family has fallen sick like dominoes that pop back up and then fall back down again. Enough.
So last night I wasn’t feeling very happy. I was thinking that my dad would come to me in my dream as he usually does when I’m having a hard time. But when I finally did fall asleep, I did not dream about Dad.
I had a dream about random friends from all throughout my life. I was ecstatic to see them all. One friend came to say, “I’m leaving now." I hugged her tight and sobbed.
Then another friend I haven’t talked to in 18 or so years told me that he would be in room 514, and to come by to say hello. I got sidetracked on my way there by more friends, all along the way hugging me and giving me positive energy.
Finally, another man-an acquaintance, really-came to me and told me that some people he knew were judging him and he didn’t know if he could take them being in his life anymore. I advised him to emotionally distance himself from them, but he said that was impossible because he worked with them. I then told him that all people are in our lives to teach us lessons, and those who give us the strongest feelings-or conflicts-are there to teach us the most valuable ones. He liked my thinking.
As soon as our conversation was finished, I startled awake. Speed Racer was at it again, his car refueled and ready for more laps. I lay there thinking of what I could write about if only I could pull myself out from under the warmth of my blankets.
Letters. Yes, that’s it, letters. What would I say to these people in my life? My mind traced down the list of people who have left their impression on me, going over in my mind what I would write to them.
Remember. I will remember in the morning, I thought as I finally dozed back to sleep.
Yet when I awoke, the moment had been lost. Somewhere in the middle of the night I wasn’t afraid to tell these people how much I loved them. I wasn’t afraid of rejection. But by morning the letters I had composed in my mind to the friends in my life had been drowned out by ego and fear.
And why didn’t Dad come to me, I wondered. Why did I dream about my friends?
Because Dad is no longer here on the earthly plane and he was directing me to those other people who are so important to me.
So now, my friends, I may not be able to tell you all directly. Some of you I don’t even talk to anymore.
I love you. And thank you for being my friend.
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